Gentle help for defiant behaviour and temper tantrums
by Joette Calabrese
Our children have become targets in many ways – target groups for professional providers who want to sell expensive toys and sugary mueslis.
And all too often psychologists and other experts apply “fashionable diagnoses”. Don’t get me wrong. There are certainly children with behavioural problems and emotional issues who need therapy, and hopefully without the usual pharmaceuticals.
We homeopaths know that physical and mental complaints can be treated very gently, effectively and elegantly with our remedies. In fact, I have already written on my blog about the homeopathic treatment of attention deficit syndrome: Homeopathy for Attention Deficit Syndrome.
Fashionable diagnosis ODD
On social media I increasingly see questions about the diagnosis of ODD (Oppositional Defiant Disorder). Let’s make something clear from the start: children are meant to probe and challenge the boundaries of adults. That is their job and perfectly normal.
But if your child behaves angrily, defiantly and meanly towards you or other authority figures very often, it may not be long before the professional diagnosis ODD follows.
I know my remarks will meet with resistance (you know me by now), but in my day we didn’t have all these terms for children’s behaviour. Back then everything was lumped under the heading “badly brought up”.
Modern society has become more open and tolerant. We let a lot more pass than in the past. That didn’t happen before. Children were not repeatedly given long explanations about why they mustn’t do something. They were reprimanded and, if necessary, sent to their room.
To the question “Why can’t I do that, Mum?” the answer was “Because I say so.” Period. End of story.
Too much tolerance can harm
I have told many mothers about the psychologist Dr John Rosemond, who admittedly holds somewhat old-fashioned views, but writes wonderful books about child-rearing. He has also posted informative videos on YouTube for anyone who doesn’t want to waste their valuable time on Netflix.
You see, Dr Rosemond writes that too much indulgence and too many explanations are not in our children’s best interests. Children use those explanations to find ways to impose their own will and do not learn how to behave properly.
I experienced this with my own children. With my first child I was far too permissive; with the second it was definitely too much. I could no longer stand it — I had to find a clear line for myself!
And I would never have called my parenting style overly tolerant or liberal. You simply don’t notice it, especially if you live in an environment with many mothers who do the same.
Loving but consistent
Bad behaviour in children should be met immediately with consequences. And in a way that the child actually understands. I’m not talking about physical punishment or other severe penalties that could harm the child. I mean consequences through which a child can understand that they have done something wrong.
If your child, for example, enjoys playing with Lego, take the Lego away. For older children this might mean a no to the ski trip, the sleepover or meeting up at the youth club.
So when your child has the next tantrum, you should react immediately and not use threats that amount to nothing.
Please do not say “I’ve told you once already. Stop now, or…”.
No, please don’t.
Simply put the Lego away and end the discussion. In these situations it’s not only about changing your child’s behaviour, but also about reconsidering your own behaviour!
Believe me, the short withdrawal of the beloved Lego toy will be more effective than all the threats you utter.
Homeopathy and difficult children
But what if you and your partner have already implemented everything consistently (and I mean you have REALLY done everything) and your child is still headstrong and rebellious? If you are sure that your child’s behaviour is not due to parenting errors, homeopathy can help:
Stramonium 6, taken twice daily until the complaints have clearly improved. Further information on homeopathic potencies can be found under D- or C-potency: that is the question.
Individual therapy
But please be warned not to give the remedy simply “just because…”.
Just because your child has behavioural problems does not automatically mean it is a mental illness that must be treated homeopathically. This calls for intuitive, steadfast and reliable parenting. When my children were small I always put it like this: “I do not want to become my children’s best friend. I am an authority figure for them who ensures they can follow a good path in life. I can be their best friend later — after I have brought them up.”
But Stramonium can certainly help if you are sure your child is suffering from a genuine behavioural disorder. It is a far better response to the problem than the diagnosis of a school psychologist who prescribes medications that can have many unwanted side effects. Not to mention the often intrusive questioning of your child that accompanies it.
Sometimes it is enough to change your own behaviour. Nevertheless, there are always times in life when homeopathy, with its gentle but effective remedies, can be a real lifeline for emotional complaints.
Spread the word! Be strong and join forces with other parents so that you can support each other in raising your children.
Warmly,
Yours
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Source: https://joettecalabrese.com/blog/is-it-odd-or-ordinary/
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