S., a 39-year-old single mother of two, came to see me in February 2007 with bipolar disorder (manic-depressive illness). Her manic phases were characterised by loud, rapid speech and hysterical laughter that would a few moments later turn into pitiful sobbing. The manic phases were euphoric and full of religious ecstasy. Her eyes sparkled when she spoke of her "divine source", and she seemed to download information at incredible speed. She behaved sexually provocatively, spent horrendous amounts of money and then felt guilty. She would then fall into fear and panic. On some days she did not speak, and often her depressions culminated in suicidal thoughts. Her despair was profound, and only her religious faith and a few close friends kept her alive. She was – as she admitted herself – "addicted to love" and confessed to entering uncooperative and abusive relationships. |
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She had persistent vaginal problems that flared up whenever she was stressed or entered one of her abusive relationships. Her vagina became inflamed, "red, cracked and painful". This caused her great anxiety because she needed her sexuality for the hunt for the perfect relationship. In her constant search for a "soulmate" she spent large sums on facials, nail salons, hairdressers, |
clothing, etc., to be attractive to men, and this had put her in considerable financial difficulty. Case history Between the ages of six and ten she was repeatedly sexually abused by her "sympathetic" 18-year-old cousin. Because she was known in the family for her exaggerations and considered cheeky, he threatened to label her a liar to silence her. The abuse only stopped when they moved to another state. Typically S. blamed herself for years and part of her "shut down completely". Her only creative outlet was singing and dancing, in which she competed. At 13 this was taken away from her because her mother, in her deep despair, could not be burdened with ferrying her from place to place. When she was sent to a boarding school against her will she felt unloved by her mother. She saw her father only rarely because he was away for long periods, sometimes years, later admitting that he disappeared as often as possible because of his loveless marriage. S. was lonely, overweight and carried a sadness she believed would never end. In her desperate need to be loved she began having sex at 14, well aware that the boys could not care emotionally. She was known then as "one of those girls". This was followed by a series of failed relationships until her first long-term relationship from 17 to 22. The man emotionally abused her; at 18 she became pregnant; her partner and his parents forced her to have an abortion. By 19 she was a heavy smoker, had gained 30 kg and was homeless. She suffered a nervous breakdown, was diagnosed as manic-depressive and given high doses of lithium. After this relationship she was still searching for "the One" who would save her, and she began a relationship with a man whose family had a long history of mental illness, including schizophrenia. Convinced that all her problems would now be over, S. stopped taking lithium. The couple sought premarital counselling because they wanted to free their own family of all the mental problems they had inherited. The quality of the relationship became evident on their honeymoon when her new husband spent many hours with his new mate, the barman, leaving her alone again... A loveless marriage followed in which she suffered emotional abuse. S. had affairs, still searching for "the right one". An affair that lasted over ten years ended when the lover died; she continued searching. Although there was very little physical intimacy in the marriage, two children resulted, and when the marriage inevitably went wrong she became a single mother of two children... still searching. Her relationship with her children suffered as a result of her quest. "My life was a complete mess, and I could only keep going with the help of many therapies (as comfort)." Prescriptions When S. became my patient in February 2007 she was already familiar with homeopathy. She explained that she had a need for independence and felt a deep-seated pain in her chest, which she recognised as anxiety. She also said she had a deep-seated anger she could not let go of. "The only person I truly loved" had left her a month earlier. This was another man to whom she had clung with all her strength, her whole being, and from whom she had desperately hoped he was "the right one". At first she felt abandoned, but after taking Chamomilla she calmed, felt more centred, could set boundaries and was able to enjoy time with her children. She felt that the chamomile helped her to listen, but she still spoke of her addiction to love and the need to feel loved. She felt embarrassed and ashamed of her neediness. She continued the on-off relationship with the violent and manipulative man who had previously left her. |
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For the rest of 2007 she struggled to get this man out of her life and became suicidal. I prescribed Peridot C 30, which gave her the strength to endure this difficult time as she writhed in soul-anguish. Higher potencies of Peridot helped her out of this abyss. |
"Snakes". She then began taking Lachesis C 30 and felt that this remedy created a safe haven for her. The remedies increased her strength and endurance, but still nothing shifted regarding her addiction, for new lovers only came into her life to break her heart again and again. In 2009 S. entered a new relationship that seemed to have more potential for stability. But soon I realised that this man, although not prone to outbursts, could not offer her a healthy relationship and was in some ways a seducer and womaniser. At that time she suffered from a severe vaginal yeast infection and feared cervical cancer. She often had lumps in her breasts. I found that Staphisagria C 200 quickly calmed her anger associated with the fungal infection. Also Lilium tigrinum was given with good effect during her depressive episodes, when she suffered from her constantly changing situation. Silicea 1M helped with her feelings of vulnerability, and the depressive phases became less frequent. In September 2010 S. began taking Rose Quartz Immersion C 200. This helped her clearly recognise the effects of her own behaviour. "The remedy has proven especially beneficial to me because it led me to recognise my addiction to relationships and my need to be loved." My whole life my relationships with the opposite sex were disharmonious. This applied to my immediate family members, like my father and my brother, through to my ex-husband, later lovers and my son. I sought the approval of very young people of the opposite sex, whether platonic or sexual. This desire for recognition drove me to throw my beliefs and values overboard and did not allow me to be truly myself. Even as I write this I feel the pain of so many years of unfulfilled love and the longing for the love and recognition of my father and my brother. I am increasingly able to recognise where I "love too much"; I now know that this is not love, but the seduction of the ego, creating neediness, insecurity and vulnerability. I met a man whom I knew deep down did not suit me. However, remnants from my past crept in, which led me to endanger myself again because he offered me an illusion of what my life could be, and I was still trapped in my earlier way of thinking. For the first time in my life Rose Quartz gave me the strength to set boundaries in a loving and compassionate way, both for myself and for the other. Never before had I ended a relationship without extreme feelings of guilt. Previously I had continued relationships so the other person would feel better, which then led to anxiety for me. It felt good to have overcome that." Rose Quartz brought back my light-heartedness; it led me to identify relationships that were unhealthy for me and gave me the courage to let go of people – both men and women – who drained my energy. It freed me from the neediness for love and opened me to the desire to create a fulfilling life for myself and my children. It has helped me recognise when I am needy and then to be compassionate and loving with myself. For the first time in my life it has allowed me to enjoy my own company and not torment myself for someone else to feel whole or happy. It has helped me accept people as they are and not take their behaviour personally. It has strengthened me to slowly let go of old patterns of behaviour and led me to the realisation that I am beautiful, kind and gentle, and that as I am, I am enough. It has given me the courage to set boundaries with people in positions of power who creep into my heart and want to take advantage of my kindness, and it has reduced my panic attacks." May 2011 Having taken responsibility for her life, S. has faced some difficult situations in recent months. She has consolidated the considerable debts she accumulated over the years during her manic phases, and is now repaying them responsibly, which is a huge task for her as a single mother of two! She is currently single and wants to be on her own. Sometimes she experiences a wave of sadness, but she knows this is inevitable. Her work, which began as a promising career, has become a workplace of extreme pressure, which has led to frequent sick leave among staff. S. however remained steadfast because she loves her job. Although she was promised a pay rise that then did not materialise, she is determined not to become a "weeping, hysterical wreck" as might have happened in the past. For several years she has been involved in a public court case concerning her work, and it is ongoing. She is determined to see it through and stand her ground. She does not yet know how it will turn out, but if unfavourable, she faces bankruptcy. Her mother now recognises and appreciates what she has achieved. She is in the process of rebuilding the relationship with her children. She receives support from her ex-husband, which a year ago would have seemed completely utopian. She is currently taking Rose Quartz Immersion MM and reports: "I can now trust that my love relationships will unfold at their own pace, and that in the end everything will work out." S. has lost her excess weight naturally without dieting or physical exertion. The peeling of her vagina has stopped. Her voice now sounds softer and is well modulated. She is not so much in her head any more; that is, she is more "grounded", because the Rose Quartz Immersion provides her with loving support. She continues to move forward courageously. |
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Photos: Wikimedia Commons |
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