A sense of fear is waving over me: a Pearl case

The patient is a 27-year-old woman. She has a new job: raising £1.5 million for the development of a school building. Previously she taught drama.

Until the age of 12 she frequently suffered from cystitis; this has recurred since her early 20s.
Family history: Prostate and ovarian cancer on her mother's side of the family.
While on holiday in Barbados six months ago she developed a urinary tract infection. Antibiotics were given, but the cystitis symptoms recurred, with blood in the urine and left-sided sacral pain. An ultrasound scan showed a 1.4 cm renal cyst (the doctor thought it unlikely this was the cause of the pain). She was referred back to the scoliosis clinic.

She was obviously stressed and seemed under pressure; she was lively and talked incessantly without prompting about her situation and her symptoms:

"Since last summer I have been worrying about my work, the house, everything. I am prone to mild depression. I don't sleep through. I fear I will get cystitis again. I feel very lethargic, weakened and exhausted; it's hard to get myself out to run or exercise. I have gained weight. I feel like I'm on a treadmill. I am constantly tense, never relaxed. If I do nothing I feel guilty. I am much further down the ladder than I need to be. I am proud that I am so fiery - that is the mask I wear."

Work: "I work in a very stressful environment. Some days it is very hard to be motivated - I can't see beyond the pile of things that need doing. The support (at work) is good – the moral support, as opposed to professional and practical support. It is a lonely job. I have to muddle through everything on my own - I am so tired. I feel spirals of stress in my head, this fiddling puts me into panic."

My partner supports me, but he has his own business. When I am very stressed it is hard to convey to him my panic feelings and my fear of failing. I can't talk to anyone about it. It is such a big challenge, I feel totally drained. I feel easily overwhelmed, everything seems huge and overwhelming. I hold on to everything emotionally. If someone has offended me, I find it hard to let go. That exhausts me.

I was a nervous child. I suffered panic attacks, was very shy and had little self-esteem. Now my self-esteem is completely at rock bottom.

Panic attacks: "When my grandmother died, I became very anxious (I was 6 then). I had panic attacks. I was so afraid for my mother; I knew everything had changed for her, and that she was depressed. I missed my grandmother so much.
The panic attacks became really bad when I was 9; little things would make me burst into tears, like going to school. I couldn't control it. I cried over small things. It was as if I had to die, or as if I would never see my parents again. I became very clingy towards my parents. I was pathologically shy. Leaving home and going to university felt to me like climbing Mount Everest."

After university she taught English for four years in a small town in Japan. She lived alone. "It was so frightening. But I had to get through it."

"Now (since I was 20), I repeatedly suffer panic attacks. When I watched a film alone in Japan I felt an overwhelming fear that something would happen to me. Last year it got worse - a sense of fear is waving over me. I feel a wave in my stomach, like when you cross a bridge too quickly.
I am the sort of person who avoids challenges, but when I have faced a challenge I have always managed. Inside I feel: 'I can't do it!', but outwardly I say: 'I can do it!'

What do you like most?
"Chocolate and sweets – they are my comforters. I like being with sincere friends, that makes me happy and I feel supported, also by my family.
The youth theatre and being with the theatre people (she runs a local youth theatre project).
Going to the cinema; romantic comedies make me happy.
Being in my house, having time to myself, my kitten; holding hands with my boyfriend. The prospect of getting married; the thought of having a family."

What is a perfect holiday for you?
"I would like to travel to Japan with my partner, and to the Pacific Ocean and to Australia. There nothing distracts you - life is so simple there. I want to lie on the beach and do nothing, read, relax on the beach. I like being by the sea, it is so relaxing. The sound of the waves; their infinity, it's like forever. When you live by the sea you cannot help but wander carefree along the beach."

Physical symptoms?
"I have always suffered from cystitis, as far back as I can remember, until puberty; it weakened me, it affected all areas of my life."

The scoliosis was confirmed by her GP. At 13 she was admitted to an orthopaedic hospital, but physiotherapy did not improve her back pain. Since her holiday in Barbados she has had constant left-sided sacral pain: a sharp, stabbing pain; certain movements, including lifting and bending; when sitting on the left side of a chair; analgesics (which she uses only occasionally).

What do you expect from a homeopathic treatment?

ANALYSIS

3) Having control vs. being overwhelmed by something huge & threatening & frightening
She gave me the feeling of being small and vulnerable and of being overwhelmed by something much larger than herself, coming down on her from above:
"It is a huge challenge - I feel very easily overwhelmed", "I feel it is huge and overwhelming", "I feel I am just muddling through everything", "this fiddling sends me into panic", "stress-spirals in my head", "panic, from fear of failing", "I am losing control", "an excessive feeling of fear", "a feeling of fear is waving over me."

7) Corrugated cardboard
"I feel like corrugated cardboard." I have never heard anyone say something like that about themselves. The statement gains significance through its connection with the doctrine of signatures.

Negative themes of Pearl include (1):
Boundaries, lacking;
Centre, loss of;
Confusion;
Crumbling, broken, crushed;
Darkness, blackness;
Lonely, abandoned;
Drowning;
Unstable;
Extreme emotional reactions;
Fear - overwhelming;
Panic;
Terror;
Mutilated and falling apart;
Madness;
Insecurity, deep;
Irritation;
Isolated and alone;
Closed / vs. open, too open;
Self-esteem, loss of;
Suffocating, enclosed, crushed, trapped;
Fallen, killed and extinguished

"From above came a dark, black, annihilating feeling. I felt the black, black, black force moving down onto my head. Its power was overwhelming, and I was overcome with fear. I was crushed, killed, suffocated, enclosed, trapped, annihilated by a force I could neither see nor identify." (2)

Follow-ups

After one month: "I feel much lighter, brighter and more cheerful. The gloom and depression are gone. However busy and stressful my job is, I am coping (vs. it overwhelming me). I have everything better under control, work with more focus.
I used to take on my partner's stress - now I accept it.
I sleep through now (vs. interrupted sleep). I am self-assured and focused on my task. My self-esteem has improved. I can express myself better now (vs. rambling and chatter). My back is fine. I still have slight pain, but it no longer drags me down so much; everything has become so much more positive in my life.
I have no more headaches; I used to have them almost every day. I am not so tense now, I try to relax. We laugh much more. I feel rested. I do many more things I really want to do. I am more myself again – I feel much, much better."

After 4 months: "I had a few panic attacks at work, but this time the panic did not completely paralyse me. I think I now have a solid work base. My achievements have consolidated my position. I feel more integrated at work – previously I felt very fragmented and felt I stood alone. I have more confidence and do not feel so overwhelmed anymore."

She still has back pain. An X-ray showed that her scoliosis has worsened over the last 10 years. She wants an MRI scan. The doctors may consider a spinal fusion to straighten her spine.

"I am very cheerful and positive (since the remedy), everything takes on a new meaning. I feel well, happy and content."

We talked about yoga and the Alexander technique and whether osteopathy might help her scoliosis and back pain.

After 7 months: She says her self-confidence is good. She appears light, spirited and lively.
"I take the matter of my back much more lightly now - what will happen, will happen. I look forward (she has an appointment with an orthopaedic consultant) to hearing what he has to say. I can look for alternatives, I have made an appointment with an osteopath; there are ways of dealing with it. I am not overly worried."

Her back pain has worsened: "As bad as ever - but I am not worried and it does not upset me – You cannot control what you do not know."

After 9 months: She feels "positive", at peace and confident and in control. "Having something investigated" is more valuable than "not wanting to know about it" than I thought. The investigation has answered a lot of questions; that gives me peace, and the matter comes to a certain closure."
She learned that she did not need surgery, which "took a heavy weight off my shoulders."
She has become engaged to her partner.

After 12 months (by e-mail): "I am well and seem to be coping with everything. I am on top of things and do many more activities outside work, and that makes me feel great. I have started running and have enrolled on a part-time postgraduate course at the university."

Photos:

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PEARLY NAUTILUS © smithbaker

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huitres © bluesky6867
Big pearl in an oyster shell, isolated on a white background © ANCH

Category: Cases

Keywords: overwhelming, anxiety, waves, panic attacks, crumbling, broken, fragmented, isolated, overloaded, immense, support, self-esteem, beach, sand