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Complaints: low energy, tense, strained nerves, physical exhaustion, irritability, indecision about whether to have a second child.
The 41-year-old opened the consultation with the words: "My energy is not as good as it used to be. I'm now taking iron and pregnancy vitamins. In my last pregnancy I felt excellent. I somehow get through the day, but I want to feel more vital. I don't have enough 'power' to train. I feel uncreative and I have the sense that I used to be more creative. My job doesn't exactly inspire me – I feel uncreative, uninspired, and quite AVERAGE, and I don't like feeling average, I want to be on top."
This woman is used to success. She had competed as a middle-distance runner, completed two university degrees, and was a highly competent media officer for a large public-service organisation. Her stamina and accuracy were useful for her work. She described herself as "not exactly the most patient", and I noticed her sharp intelligence and quick grasp, together with little tolerance for slow or sloppy work. Quick judgement, direct comment and accurate assessment – all belonged to her fast and intelligent work mentality.
However strong her self-confidence once was, it took a heavy blow with the birth of her son. She said: "I had such a hard time with him that I felt totally incompetent as a mother." She described her son as "a terrible child". He was "wide awake as soon as he was born, and was constantly super-alert and lively". You couldn't put him in his cot, otherwise he would scream his head off and would not settle.
Breastfeeding didn't go well at first, until finally suitable training helped to sort out the feeding problem; but unfortunately this came so late that the mother was already completely despondent. The child would not sleep unless he was carried around by her, and as she was constantly sleep-deprived her health declined. After two and a half years of motherhood she was, as she said, "a wreck". "In two and a half years I aged from 30 to (felt) 60 – I was totally drained, without energy or joy – it was just awful."
Together with her health her marriage suffered. There were disagreements and territorial fights over the upbringing of the highly dependent boy. Since returning to work she felt encouraged to "at least do something there and to feel at least somewhat competent." While from her boss's perspective she performed well enough, inwardly she felt: "I could hardly hold myself together."
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Mantis religiosa |
She is now trying to decide, "should I focus on my career ... or do I want a second child ...?" The decision is made more complicated by her poor health and exhaustion, her self-inflicted post-traumatic stress from her first child (and the fear of a possible repeat), and her concerns about the lack of parental alignment with her husband. For her daily life, however, the most important change she wanted was to have more patience with her son, the child who had caused her so much torment. |
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About six weeks before our appointment I prescribed Chocolate C 30, after which an "insect remedy" emerged as her simillimum. After taking Chocolate she reported: "I had hoped to become more patient with my son, and on the one hand I noticed that it helped a bit ... but sometimes I was also much more intolerant of his behaviour. Once when he behaved totally monkey-like, I would have... liked to strangle him. Well, not literally, but I simply could not feel any tolerance for him at all, it was just like 'crrrrrh'."
This woman speaks very expressively, and when she described her frustration with her demanding son she made numerous expressive hand gestures – she turned her palms up and down as if on a scale, sliced the air with the edge of her hand in a cutting motion, gripped fiercely with her fingers as if wanting to strangle someone, and so on. She feels a strong love for her son and total frustration at the same time.
She spoke about how challenging it was for her to raise her prematurely mature and tireless child, whom she describes as "up and down – angelic and awful". Parenting is never easy when it comes to discipline and upbringing. For this woman difficulties arose because her attempts at discipline were not supported, but sometimes even undermined by her husband – and that in front of their badly behaved son.
About this she said: "I mean, that's totally inadequate, and it drives me completely mad!" When she thought about a second child, the differences with her husband weighed heavily on the "no" side. Her "intense child" had frayed the nerves of both parents. While they worked well as a couple in other areas, she says of her husband when she is stressed: "When he irritates me, he really irritates me so much that I think, why the hell am I married to you? You drive me crazy!"
Why is she so angry with him? She is annoyed with her husband on several levels, but mainly she feels unsupported by him. "On the other hand," she says, "he's not a criminal... everyone would say he's a nice guy. It's just... it's just that his manner totally gets on my nerves (bug the hell out of me).
Sometimes it's okay, but when he annoys me I feel 'UGHHHH!'" She could not put her feelings into words. An animal-like scream seemed to express it best, and at this point she made a gesture with her whole body – she writhed in her seat and shook her arms vigorously as if trying to shake something off. "Sometimes I feel that being married to N. (her husband) is like wearing a hairshirt – it constantly itches!"
At times the word irritation is far too mild to describe her state. This happens when her husband, in her view, makes "provocative remarks" and becomes sarcastic. She says he likes to needle and spit venom. And how does she react to that? She says: "It just makes me furious – my reaction is to go and bite his head off!"
A small mishap that recently happened – her son slipped in the bath and hit his head – brought this feeling up again. There were misunderstandings and mutual lack of understanding, and in the heat of the moment she was furious with her husband. After some reflection she said about her anger: "I think it wasn't appropriate – but in that moment I would have loved to rip his head off..."
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By this time it was clear that this woman was fully in an insect state – the insect state of a praying mantis! What is she talking about? She is irritated. Her husband irritates her. Certain behaviours of his drive her crazy. And what is her honest response to feeling irritated and annoyed? Anger! She would "love to tear him apart", "bite his head off" or "rip his head off". These images led me to the praying mantis. |
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The brutal violence of her anger is reminiscent of the sexual cannibalism of this insect; she experiences the extreme irritability not only emotionally but also physically – as if she had to "wriggle out of a hairshirt". This mirrors the development of immature mantids, which moult six or seven times (1) before they reach sexual maturity.
The currently available materia medica suggested that this remedy had a tendency to "callousness and hard-heartedness", but the extreme anger and irritability were not well described. Itching was listed among the physical complaints, but there were few confirming rubrics for this relatively new remedy. Yet her insect-like behaviour and vivid expression painted such a clear picture of the praying mantis that the prescription was obvious. We began with Mantis religiosa C 200, a single dose.
Six weeks later I saw her again and she reported a dramatic change. "Whatever you gave me, it worked fantastically! I feel so much better! The underlying extreme irritability ... is gone! My son doesn't get on my nerves as much as before. And my irritability about my husband? It used to be high, now it's very, very low. He still annoys me from time to time, but not remotely to the same extent. I feel much softer and I'm quite happy. It's such a relief!"
That was a dramatic change, and I was interested to know if she could describe how she went from her previously strained nerves and extremely irritable state to this "relief". I hope her answer can clarify the nature of suffering in Mantis religiosa cases. She said: "It was like untangling something, loosening and freeing tight wires, and then coming out.
I can't put it another way, but after two weeks, even after just one week, I felt lighter, I can only describe it like that, I'm not so annoyed anymore, you see?" When she said "annoyed" she made another gesture with her expressive hands – a tight grip, as if all her willpower were concentrated in her mercilessly clenched fingers.
She stayed on this remedy for almost a year. It fitted her condition exactly, and she was finished after only two doses. The long-term result was very good. She reported: "I feel almost soft, which is incredible for me!" (She laughs at herself). Her relationships became healthier, and about her son she said: "I actually get a lot of joy from him ... I believe that's what one should feel when one has a baby, and I never felt that before. He still overwhelms me and talks like a waterfall, but I have reached a deep contentment that I didn't have before."
She summed it up laughingly: "I'll take more of it anytime, it was really good – the best remedy I've ever taken! Whatever you recognised in me – you hit the nail on the head" – here she made another hand gesture, first raising a finger, then tapping her nose with it – "and that was brilliant. Thank you so much!"
Cynthia Shepard lives and practises on Vancouver Island in British Columbia, Canada
Photo: shutterstock.com; © Sheldon Green - istock.com
Category: Cases
Keywords: irritable, annoyed, anger at husband, insects, exhausted, uninspired, praying mantis.
Remedy: Mantis religiosa
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| (1) the lower number applies to males, the higher to female mantids |
