Barium bromatum: guilt over helplessness and failure

S., a 70-year-old woman, attends the clinic. She is slender and gives a somewhat stiff impression. Her face is thin and pale. She appears somewhat aloof, withdrawn and cautious. She is neatly dressed in black and grey, but with a quiet flair. She speaks calmly, formally and in a controlled manner. She has a dry humour and often laughs at herself. She appears intelligent and warm-hearted.

Physical complaints

Her main problem was lifelong constipation. There had been a lot of pressure related to toilet training since she was three months old. She remembered being put on the potty and left there until she produced something (which she never did). “I was constantly criticised for being unable to produce what was desired.” Stool softeners, diet and exercise had been of no benefit. She has a bowel movement only once a week.
She has had a underactive thyroid since childhood. She was 22 when hypothyroidism was diagnosed, but she felt she probably had it since childhood. She was always very tired and cold.

She had a hiatal hernia with nocturnal heartburn felt in the throat, worse from eating late or too much, worse with Indian food and alcohol.

She has atherosclerosis and high blood pressure. Five years ago she had episodes of blackouts, and she had suffered for years from terrible neck and shoulder pain. “My artery was completely blocked, but I needed

no operation and no bypass because the artery itself had formed small collateral branches and continued to do its work.”

She suffered for a long time from migraine. She always had a craving for chocolate before a migraine attack. After retirement the headaches disappeared. She would wake every night at 3 a.m. and could not get back to sleep.

Other important aspects

About 20 years ago she had a near-death experience during an unsuccessful routine examination in hospital. She looked down on her body and was drawn through a tunnel toward the light. She felt as if being pulled into a vortex. She knew she would cease to exist and felt blissful about it. However, she decided to come back because her children were still small and needed her.

Fear of heights – has the sensation of being sucked over the edge when standing on a balcony.

Likes salty food but does not indulge herself.

Emotional life

She told me that she regarded herself as a “failure”, and she felt great remorse about that. “I haven’t done right by my son. I haven’t fulfilled my potential and haven’t done as much as I should have. That’s the astonishing thing about the near-death experience: I thought, ‘I haven’t done that badly.’ I had never felt that before.”
She says these failures haunt her thoughts, as does the failure of her marriage about 40 years ago. “What was my part in it? The marriage failed. I don’t know why. I keep thinking about it.”
“Assertiveness is an important word for me,” she told me. “I never managed it. Perhaps it’s my fear of failure; the opportunities I blew. Often I believe I simply didn’t know how to take the next step forward beyond mediocrity. I never had the self-esteem and the energy for it. Perseverance and determination are things I admire in others.” She always sets high expectations for herself.
She had held a very responsible professional position which she could not defend against an ambitious subordinate who wanted to rise. “I resented it and held it against her, but I never said or did anything. Then I just went into retirement.”
“That’s my way of dealing with things,” she says. “At some point I end the relationship.” She also “behaves as if I am powerless, and I don’t like to take on a strong role.”
She feels that what she thinks and says is of no interest to people. She has certain preconceptions.

She feels lonely, sad and isolated. And somehow she feels guilty.

Recurring dreams

1) I am taking a written examination and am either unprepared or cannot find the room.
2) I am in a large department store. I try to find the exit to get back to the university.
3) I am back in the town where I lived with my husband. I have found a beautiful flat for my husband and me. I try to find it again so I can show it to him. It is always in a dilapidated old house. I am afraid and feel I have failed. Why does this keep happening? I must find my way out of it.

Case analysis

“My life has been a failure. That’s how I see it.”
Failure and defeat are the major themes. She believes that everything in her life has gone wrong:

• She feels she has not done right by her son.
• Her marriage failed.
• She failed to defend her leadership position.
• Even as a baby she failed to produce anything; she had no stool passage. 
  

She attributes her failures to various causes, all variants of her personal shortcomings:

• Her inability to persevere.
• Her lack of self-confidence.
• Her lack of self-worth.
• Her lack of energy.
• She doesn’t know what to do.
• Her feeling of powerlessness.

“I was criticised for not being able to produce anything.”

Of course the underactive thyroid and the inability also manifest on the physical level:

• Hypothyroidism
• Constipation
• Atherosclerosis
• Lack of energy
• Feeling cold

“Why does this keep happening to me? I must find my way out.”

The notion of having failed everywhere produced the following feelings:

• Sadness
• Anxiety
• Guilt
• Loneliness

Jan Scholten’s Homoeopathy and the Elements was very helpful to me in remedy selection (Barium bromatum is strongly underrepresented in the repertories). The Gold series has a great deal to do with heart and thyroid disease as well as with the theme of failure. Barium — at stage two of the Gold series — deals with themes of lack and inability. Scholten writes that powerlessness in leadership positions is the essence of Barium. That hits the nail on the head. He also notes that these people “deep down possess power and dignity; yet they lack the strength to bring these qualities out.”
The feelings of guilt and fear of failure made me think of Brom and Barium bromatum in this case. According to Scholten, Brom can have great fear of being unable to fulfil its task. He further states: “They know they should have done better, and therefore they feel guilty.” That fits here as well.

Prescription: Barium bromatum C12 - single dose

Follow-up after two months

After the first dose she initially had flu-like symptoms for a week. Then she experienced a dramatic turnaround in her wellbeing. From the start she had regular daily bowel movements. She slept better. Her energy increased; she felt much better and began to accept herself. She has enrolled in a painting course.

Follow-up one year later

She no longer has difficulty falling asleep. She no longer wakes at night and is not tormented. Her cardiac symptoms have improved. She no longer has neck pain. Constipation is no longer a problem, or only a little recently. She now has regular bowel movements once to twice daily. Her heart seems to continue improving, she says. The doctor has reduced the dose of her medications. Her thyroxine level rose during the period the remedy was given. Her emotional state is good.

Prescription: Repeat Barium bromatum C12, because the constipation recently recurred to a small degree.

Follow-up five months later

Her doctor carried out tests and subsequently reduced both the heart and thyroid medications by half.

Follow-up one and a half years later

She continues to do well. Her doctor has reduced her heart and thyroid medications again.

Photos: Wikimedia Commons
1. Light effect, public domain; Ulrich Rahm
2. Pure barium in an argon gas atmosphere; public domain; Matthias Zepper
Categories: Cases
Keywords: Constipation, hypothyroidism, thyroxine, atherosclerosis, failure, guilt, powerlessness, ending
Remedy: Barium bromatum